That was a first. My 5-year-old screamed this at me today and it really stunned me. We treat the word "hate" like a bad word in our house. But sometimes I catch myself saying, "I hate when I do that," etc in everyday conversation, so unfortunately my kids hear it every so often. My two biggest kids are old enough to know they can't use this word, and they don't. My third child is more audacious and daring than the other two ever were. Warnings often go unheeded. He's a bolder child. He has no problem saying things he shouldn't, and that can be a problem.
He's especially had a hard time transitioning from summer to school year over the last week. At the root of today's naughty behavior was the Wii. During the school year it's a weekend-only (Fri, Sat, Sun) activity; in summer, it's available to the kids on a daily basis, more or less. So, James has been struggling with switching from summer to school mode. This morning, before preschool orientation, I took him to a neighborhood playground to burn off some energy and distract him from video games.
This tactic worked, but only for a while. After we returned from orientation and he'd polished off his lunch, I caught him playing WiiU upstairs while I was nursing the baby. Mind you, this is after I busted him yesterday doing the same thing, and took away his right to dessert after dinner. Such a tearful scene last night that I figured I'd gotten through to him. Wrong! I suddenly realized today that the house was a little too quiet. This time, he'd craftily turned off the volume so I wouldn't hear the jingle-jangle of Super Mario Bros. He even crept downstairs silently when I called up to him and asked him what he was doing in the upstairs playroom. He snuck into my first-floor studio and called out that he was looking at my jewelry. So crafty! And funny, because he's so little, yet had planned his actions so carefully.
I had to punish him, though, because he broke his promise from yesterday and had lied to me on top of that. I walked him up the stairs to his room and told him it was time to lie down for a while. He lost it, of course, and screamed "I hate youuuuuu!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. The old me would have yelled back that that was a very bad thing to say, and got caught up in the moment. I would have lost it too. My frustration would have added fuel to his fire. Maybe because I'm running low on sleep, or maybe because I know in my heart he doesn't really know what he's saying, or maybe because I'm older and been there-done that, I just turned around quietly, told him not to get up until I told him, and closed the door.
Later this evening, before bed, we spoke about what he said to me. He apologized. I asked him to imagine how he'd feel if I'd said that to him. His face immediately fell and he was very sad. I think I got through. For now.
Parenthood. Always challenging. Deep breath.
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